In contemplation of suicide

It must be I want life
to go on
else why would I remain
to finish out
years that both young and old
view with such disdain

children see me as a relic
of a distant past
to which they hold no connection

mother mourned my lacks
as measured by
her generation

my body fails me

I feel time's clench
as life's cycles
fan old age's fires

I slowly turn to ash

I cannot find a good death
not the fanfare of the headline
not the agony of disease
not the languish of antiquity

so I am doomed to live forever

I will each sunrise into being
too cowardly to let go
of life
quite
yet